im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
