if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
