The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
