my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
