The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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