I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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