i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
