did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I believe in your delicious
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
