You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
