Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
