the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
