considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
