let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
MIDGETS
????
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
