I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
