I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
