I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
