69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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