the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
