we made out on top of his cat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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