i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
