i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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