if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
