Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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