I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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