about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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