I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
