I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
