so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
