**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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