my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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