you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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