I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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