I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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