we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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