Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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