he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
