I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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