You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
