Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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