i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
