No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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