don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We left the knife in your bed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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