I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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