guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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