what day is it and did you see me today?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize