I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
