True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
