just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
