Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
