my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
