I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
