isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
