sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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