I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
