First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
