I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
