Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
