Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
