I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize