just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
