M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
